The Gardens - In the Beginning

Monday, January 17, 2011

Explanations




I guess in lack of a better title coming to mind, I'll just call what follows an explanation.  It has been too long of a time, since I have known what it is like to get enough sleep.  I wake up with headaches that sometimes are still with me when I lay my head down for the evening...headaches that laugh at pain killers.  This all has to do with neck and back problems that have plagued me most of my life.

I am still having problems with my leg injury, and am beginning to dread the possibility that I will always have to live with the bouts of puffiness and swelling that come and go too often, for the rest of my life.

I have an old cat that I spend much time with trying to make his last days good days, and he is requiring a lot of care.

A husband working in Afghanistan that I worry about constantly, and only see one month a year.

I take care of everything at home...everything, and I commute to the job which takes eleven hours out of each day.  I work very hard to keep a positive attitude about me, and love life to it's fullest.

I did what I never do, I left a sarcastic comment on someones post, someone I care about a lot.  I had earlier received a comment on my post that threw me for a loop, hurt me, made me cry.  My friend just got lucky or unlucky, I guess...bad timing...I deleted it and apologized, but that doesn't make it right.  I am so ashamed of myself.

I need to get away from this computer for a while, and put this blogging back into it's correct perspective.  I need time to finish rearranging my home to put the things I love best completely back into my life.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and sometimes that is just not such a good thing to do, but it is so totally me.  I'm realizing that this blogging has bad along with the good, and I don't know if I want to deal with that part of it.  I'm beginning to feel that perhaps I should go private, and tell my stories just for me, daughter, and husband.  I need some time to think.

My backyard sunset photo...played around with it a bit, cause I can.  I do miss the brilliant sunrises and sunsets of Nevada where I grew up at.  Here's a little whatever I am leaving with you...lesser art perhaps...but I like it.

A Dog's Plea for Equality
         
Eat
poop,
drink
pee,
hug
love,
pet
me
please.
20
degrees,
butt
freeze,
cat
pan
entry,
allow
me
please.


       

12 comments:

  1. Sorry someone left a mean comment on your blog, but don't let it get you down! We'd miss you if you stopped blogging!

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  2. Oh Yvonne... people can be really mean and leave comments that are hurtful, I am sorry that you received one. Let me tell you, once I received the most meanest comment from someone anonymously, i later found out it was one of my longest and oldest friends, I was devestated but I eventually chucked it to the side because it is human nature to be mean at times. Blogging is so hard and it does have lots of bad but it also has lots of good, like meeting you... listen, you go and do what you have to do, but don't stop sharing your heart with us. We love you.

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  3. Hey, Yvonne, please don't take this all so seriously! I love humor and sometimes sarcasm makes one look at himself, and that is always a good thing! My wife has worn some kind of support stockings for years and it helps a lot with her leg problems. I am still looking at you gardens and thinking...Your Friend, always!

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  4. it's amazing how hurtful a rotten comment can be. it's like it can lodge in your brain & play over & over like the meanest broken record.
    i hope it wasn't me who wrote it. i tend to read & comment a lot very late at night & sometimes things that sound funny in my head don't translate well into type.
    and you're right, sometimes blogging needs to be put back into it's rightful place. it can get bigger than your real life if you're not vigilant. i have the flat butt syndrom to prove it.

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  5. Please don't stop writing! What you have to say is valuable to your readers. This is a chance for real growth for you. A chance to fight the urge to go "private" and share things only with self and others. Keep putting yourself out there and it will be worth it. Our writing is like our child, and when it receives criticism or rejection the pain is unbearable. Reading is an art, and it's something that many of us could stand to improve. You have a real talent, and it is your obligation to self and world to use it.

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  6. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And that's ok. Blogging shouldn't be a bother or interfere with real life. You will be missed, but we will rejoice when and if you come back.

    As for the headaches, check out things that make your blood pressure rise. I didn't know milk could do that, but it did it to me. I got a horrible headache when I had a bowl of cereal and finally figured out that was the cause of the headaches. Only years later did I find out that it was the milk that was doing it.

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  7. Beautiful photo.

    You do what is best for you. You have a lot going on.

    I hope things get better for you.

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  8. I just found you 2 days ago and now you want to leave. I read so many things that I have interest in just like you and cats oh yes.. ... Under the Tuscan Sun was one of my favorites . I too wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes people see they can hurt you because of that... I will hope the you stay, not just saying that but if you want to you can always right me at my artheart2436@yahoo.com
    I also suffered all my life with headaches and I kid you not I finally found something to help (med) with no side effects. write me Yvonne.

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  9. No need to explain, truly. I think most people who blog for any length of time get what you're saying in this post.
    I have left sarcastic comments on other people's blogs and feel horrible about it! I never mean to be sarcastic, but I'm a total klutz with words. I'm like this in person too. I try really, really hard not to- and yet, sometimes it still happens.
    As far as your personal posts... everyone has a different tolerance for these things. If your gut is telling you that you've crossed a personal boundary, then you have. Only you know this. No one can tell you what is appropriate. On occasion, I've had friends encourage me to write "deeper" things on my blog. And when I did, I got a lot of people interested. But, I crossed my own boundaries and ended up blowing up my first blog. It's easy to be a spectator but not so easy to be the one putting it out there.
    Blogging is a public forum, unless you make a blog by permission only. This means anyone who has access to the internet can read your thoughts.
    My personal litmus test is if I'm willing to share a story with my next store neighbor or a customer that walks through my business, then I'm willing to share it on my blog.
    Now then, I hope you take a hot bath and give yourself lots of care. You deserve it. Trust your gut.

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  10. Migraines.....neck pain...arm pain...a lifetime of pain somewhere in my body...people who give me a hard time....family that give me a hard time...bloggers that have insulted me...without saying who they are...menopause...swollen feet...old worn kitchen...You get the picture...We all have times when we feel very down...sometimes more then others...right now I have a major lifechanging event about to happen...I am not happy....But don't give up!!
    Vent all you need to but don't stop blogging because we are here to listen and to send Hugs through the computor....I thought about stopping but when I just got home last night after being gone a month I had comments left and e-mails saying I was missed.....it made things better....
    I need all my blog buddies....Please don't stop posting.....your friend Sue.

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  11. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I really hope it wasn't me. I ADORE you, so if anything I said was sarky, it must have just been me trying to be funny.

    I love your stories, and your gentleness with people and animals and... lots of stuff. Still, I do understand that there's a need for privacy. I often write things and then don't post them because they're too personal. I've appreciated your sharing, but will understand if you need to withdraw for a bit and think things through.

    I'll miss you, though...

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  12. I was just coming by to say how sweet you are for your kind comment at my site! Don't let one person's comment spoil all the good and fun you can have. I truly appreciate your presence at my blog.

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