The Gardens - In the Beginning

Friday, February 4, 2011

Everything...but the kitchen sink.

Victor's Most Excellent Breakfast!

A glimpse of husband's life abroad, emailed to me, a pun of dorky respect to my hodge-podge of blogging styles. I spun it around like a supercharged blogging matriarch, and spin dried the soggy mess of bits and pieces, edited and added, and tad ah!!! An insightful account of a not so trivial mate at the start of his very, very trivial sort of day.

Walk my mile to the dining facility. Eggs are being prepared, and, of course, they will be HARD, hard fried, the way no egg should ever be fried, the way no egg should ever be eaten, the way all eggs must be prepared for the American military in theater.  I'm standing in line after grabbing my paper plate and plastic silverware. Wow!!! a delightful surprise...we have those ever elusive PORK SAUSAGE PATTIES TODAY!!!!!!    
Immediately I shift into my McDonald's mindset, and take two patties of this delightful treat, along with a couple pieces of bacon. I'm back to my hard fried eggs, and pick up two muffins exactly like a McDonald's would serve. Toasting them in toaster...not once, not twice...three toasty times and perfection. Third Country Nationals just don't know how to properly set up a toaster, and the bread runs right through it faster than snot from a cold nose in winter.     

Sit down and right back up again...I need two cups of hot water, and two bags each of tea and sugar. I return to the preparation of my most excellent breakfast, putting one pork patty on one muffin, and the second pork patty on the other muffin. Reach across table for one small salt packet, and lightly salt both eggs. Reach again to grab three pepper packets per egg (hey! I happen to like pepper on my eggs), but sliced cheese is only a lunch and dinner thing; so these are healthy egg and pork muffins! THEY TASTE SIMPLY DIVINE! AHHH... A WONDERFUL TASTE OF HOME. Finish my most excellent sandwiches, and I'm heading back for a great bowl of grits. Hmmm...a little watery, but thick enough to eat, AND they don't smell of sweaty feet like Cracker Barrel's grits. I'm topping it all off with four slices of pink grapefruit and four slices of peaches. IT REALLY IS A MOST EXCELLENT BREAKFAST! My breakfast of simple perfection.

Superman ain't my Hero...

A month, and it's been just boss and reality it's plainly just me and me. Boss lies low in his old age vacation of mind, the last Harry Potter is his read these days, or a multi-hour hideout at the mow and nail shop. We're talking a mindset of Superman PJ's and Superman bed sheets and Superman framed poster above headboard and more and more and more Superman paraphernalia galore in this manly man's sleep room, and on and on and on he so enlightens me...this man of so little shame.   

He had to work a bit today, giving me three adding machine tapes with no totals printed, just totals hand written.  Not acceptable. Auditor's nightmare. Blank stare in reply. Machine's broken. Won't do the totals. See if you can fix it, Secretary Dear. a total...every thing's peachy dory. Bad machine! Bad machine! You pushed the star button, right? And that eyes blinded in the headlights reply...why would it have a star instead of the word total???


Not you! I realize I've become a bit of a slacker in the attention department. A person of imperfection grandiosity. Might have to change my blog to gulp, gag, barf - Imperfection...More or Less - way! A good choice, my rusty plaid blouse making me look so petite in the derriere...a most excellent choice indeed.  Two months I've washed it and dried it and hung it with care, two months I've chosen it weekly to make my body look so bodacious and feel toasty warm, two months of compliments, looking in mirrors, kiss kiss hug hug, I love me so much in this clothing confection.  Last week I was caught by surprise, knocked for a loop, left wondering if I'll be taking a seat next to boss in the vacant head gaze. I can't believe it...I've worn this dang thing forever it seems, and egads! It has side seam pockets! Pockets!!! Who stitched those things in there when I wasn't looking??? Why are the pockets even there? Hidden pockets of no purpose, pockets that lie on their side, pockets where anything within can immediately roll out, philosophical pockets that give me great pause to contemplate why oh why oh why?

Snap It Tale

My rusty plaid blouse gives me lots to talk about. A) caught in grinding machinery gears, B) the need to be arthritic finger friendly, C) removes quickly without damage in fits of passion...SNAPS...your dream come true...where a blouse or shirt can be ripped off one's body in two seconds flat.  I can attest to the fact that snaps are more than just friendly friends...they verge on obnoxious, bend over backwards, kiss your ass sweethearts.  These little hold tight, but not too tight tykes, a marvel of the industrial revolution...a jacket with a row of snap happy fasteners hiding a blouse with a row of snap lazy fasteners...and Ooops! A zip of the jacket to open the lock jawed snaps with the end of blouse inadvertently grabbed onto also, and I'm starring in an xxx rated movie at my local Publix's grocers. Did I have an audience, hell no, I don't know, good gracious, I need to remain ignorant to that a few and hurriedly disappear down an aisle into oblivion.  Bliss, bliss...I need pure bliss!

Reflecting back on my Valentine project...some people should never ever be allowed to play with razor edge scissors.


  1. Goodness, what a lot of things for one post! Most entertaining. Enjoyed your hubby's style, and what a lovely valentine you made! Snaps eh? I've got to try that! Ptoing! Take me as I am! (Although perhaps not in the supermarket!)

  2. And the words keep rolling and flowing from your gloriously creative mind out the tips of your fingers and onto the screen for us to enjoy!

  3. A little bit of everything in this post!

  4. Loved the socks...
    Loved the pics of the pets et a...
    Loved the poem
    Wow! I apologies, I have been too busy to check out your site and I have been missing a lot.
    I just hit the follow button!

  5. Woops almost forgot why I stopped by in the first place.

    I notice that you haven't found my giveaway yet. This is one way I can show my appreciation for my followers. So, drop by my February 1st post and take a look at what I am giving away now (it's a doozie). And, you already have 2 entries for being a follower.

  6. What wonderful randomness! You are a very good writer!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such sweet comments! I hope to see you back there soon:-)

  7. Thanks for coming by and commenting on my blog. Looks like you and I have memories of cold winters.

  8. Your post this day is like a huge riot of color, bursting out all over the place but right there to enjoy ! bj

  9. My head is spinning with all of that (in a very good way)... I love your blogging style my friend! It so keeps me on my toes!

  10. I agree with Susie....wonderful randomness!!
    and I laughed out loud about the grits at the Cracker barrel smelling like sweaty feet....or was it dirty socks....well, they smell bad and that's why I don't eat at the Cracker Barrel...
    where everything tastes like it was cooked in dish water.....

  11. I read your post last week and was dazzled! In fact- too dazzled to think what to comment. So today, I've come back to re-digest and come up with a coherent comment.
    I too have difficulty with the whole attention thing. It's all that creativity floating about.
    Happy Valentines Day!
    I always look forward to your randomness.


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