The Gardens - In the Beginning

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Why is it the little things that frizz my noggin?

  • plastic grocery bags - why do grocery stores hate me so much with these environmentally unfriendly wrappers that have to be tied at top to keep groceries from rolling all over the trunk?
  • bath towels - why is the guest bedroom's bed the linen closet, and the linen closet packed with useless crap I cannot let go of?
  • coffee and pepsi - why is it a problem with everyone if I want to be a night owl, and have calcium sucked right out of my teeth and bones?
  • names - why did my dad give me a simple name that everyone pronounces incorrectly and always spells badly?
  • 'to tell the truth' - so what have you been telling me up to the moment you used this phrase?
  • clutter - why does clutter haunt me with multiple re-occurrences like a poltergeist playing a bad joke?
  • toothpaste tubes with flat tops - why is it that after using this a few times, it refuses to stand at attention anymore, and acts like a drunk passed out on the sidewalk?
  • garden tools - why do these little buggers insist on playing an insane game of hide and seek multiple times any day I have to use them? 
  • spectacles - why is there no way to get rid of that little monster that keeps hiding my glasses from where I last laid them?
  • dust - why is my southern home surrounded by a jungle of green, dustier than my old western home engulfed part of the time in sand storms that could erase the paint right off my car?
  • car batteries (okay, perhaps not such a little thing) - just because this is the second time it has happened, why am I at fault when I clearly have no control over how badly my foggy brain ages?  The following is husband's reply after I told him that little thing about the battery on his car being deader than DEAD:  "The HOODOO is upon me.  What kind, I think I know.  Today I was inventorying the Fire Department.  Their command vehicle is an Armored HUMVEE.  We got to talking about them, and he asked if I wanted to drive it.  After some coaxing and arm twisting, I reluctantly said OKEY DOKIE.  Got in like I was made for it.  Got my cool sunglasses on.  Turned the switch to let the glow plug get hot...these are diesel vehicles.  Green light on.  Turn switch to start, and clickity clickity clickity.  THE BATTERY'S DEAD!  IT'S THE DEAD BATTERY HOODOO MY DEAR.  IT'S UPON ME HERE AND AT HOME."
  • why oh why oh why?


  1. i have a name that everyone either pronounces or spells wrong until they get to know me. and even then, they still frequently spell it wrong. that's why i named my daughter such an easy name & it's not spelled wrong very often.
    what is your name?
    and it's not just my garden tools or glasses that disappear. anything i use often seems to vanish. my husband likes to tease me that if my boobs weren't attached, i'd lose them too.

  2. You are so funny! It's Yvonne. I can see where an E might be used instead of a Y, but some have used I??? Plus other letters are wrong a lot of times. Such is life.

  3. Hi Yvonne, I know I've had the name right, and a lot of the same things bug the heck out of me too. BJ

  4. @Sherilin: So, is it "Shareallinn" or "Shurallin?" Or "Louise?"

    I love it when restaurant servers ask, "Is Pepsi okay?" when I ask for a Coke. Just once, I'd like to say, "No, dammit. It's not. I want a Coke and I want it now!"
    Or, when I'm asked, "Paper or plastic?" I'd love to answer, "Whichever is worse for the environment."
    Sadly, even I am not that big a smartass.

  5. People can just about pronounce any name wrong. My maiden name is Moore and in 1st grade the other kids told me my name was spelled wrong. In college, I had a professor that pronounced it like moo-er.
    Garden tools- happens to me too. It's like they're having a party while we are gone.

  6. Barbra Joan & Ruth - love hearing from you both, and knowing I am not the only one who can spend 2 hours looking for something I just had...or maybe I am.

    Al - I need the names of those pepsi serving restaurants right now! LOL. I've only found one here, all the rest would make you purr like a happy cat with their coke only...pepsi? what's that?? I switch back and forth between paper and plastic. I'm promising myself to buy the cloth bags, if they ever come up with a design I don't want to hide.

  7. Believe it or not, the cloth bags are great. At first, I derided my wife for her use of what I called "Save the Planet" bags. But they are so worth it. You can carry so much more in them and carry a whole bunch of them in from the car (me feel like Hulk).

  8. I don't even know if my short, fat legs would lift me high enough to climb into a Hummer! Kudos to you for being brave enough to try it!

  9. Man, it's always the little things. I just had to replace my battery in my van! LOL

  10. why is it that you keep asking these questions? just kidding!!! And apparently there are a zillion ways to spell Tracy, but none of them are my way! See you are not alone!

  11. All sorts of little things bug me too - currently, top of the list is bad grammar . . . most particularly the increasing use of the word WAS when it should be the word WERE! As in "Oh, WAS you?"

    My name normally gets spelled correctly, but it depends if you're from oop north or down south in the UK as to whether it's PRONOUNCED correctly! Tee hee!

    Hugs, Sandra (that's SaRndra to you!)

  12. I know all about having a name everyone miss-pronounces and miss-spells. I spent 40 years hearing, "Karen?" "No, Kara." "Carol?" "No, Kara." "Kerry?" "No. KARA!" "Is that with a C?"

    It's only recently, after Kara DioGuardi was on American Idol that I no longer have to repeat myself.

  13. Why do people say "No Offense" before offending you?

    I know what you mean about the 'to tell the truth' comment and I ain't even lying

  14. I can so relate to the name situation.
    How people can get a four letter one syllable name wrong as often as they do I will never understand.
    The one I understand is Skip. Because sometimes when I respond to "Hey what is your name?" "My name is Kipp." The 'is' and 'Kipp' can be slurred into Skip. So I try to no longer respond that way. But I still get odd responds.
    Here is a list if others that just baffle me:
    Trip?, Chip?, Rip?, Kevin?, Jeff?, and Kemp? I have witnesses to all of those.


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