Dustin's been a bit of a moaner and whiner, whimpering some sort of garble about lousy Zoe hogging the spotlight and raining on his one doggy parade. Problem is...this needy little mutt, this Jack-Rat concoction, hasn't rocked my world lately with any newsworthy events. Personally I rejoice, thinking this is the greatest thing to happen since before he hitched a ride to the residence, but he obviously sees it quite differently. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, and have agreed to let him write his own post with the stipulation that it has to be somewhat interesting or I'll nix it, no ifs ands or buts.
He disappears before I finish expounding on my rules, and reappears with a post already scribbled out. Being somewhat dexterously challenged, he says he's conned Zoe into putting his words to post. Wait a minute! Did he say conned? I don't think Zoe's a feline of a connible nature. More like one of a cannibalistic nature. Me thinks she's been messing with his smarts, he's been duped by the best, I'm thinking he's going to be quite sorry.
But he's all in a tizzy, bouncing all over the place, so I give Zoe my cushy chair and the keyboard, and am astounded at the lightning speed she completes his post and pounces on that publish post button without even a preview. I rush to delete after reading her gibberish, but Zoe's threatened to do unspeakable things with the bed I tuck into at night and the list goes on and on and on, an act of despicable service for each word I try to delete.
Sorry Dustin...even a dog has to learn a hard lesson at times. Repeat after me: Zoe is not your best friend, Zoe is not your best friend, Zoe is not your best friend, Zoe is not your best friend, Zoe is not your best friend...
A rat of a terrier, I eat, pee, poop
tidbits from the cat pan I scoop
I delight in being a nincompoop
I'm an idiotic moronic dupe.
I messes my fat hinny
I'm so terrifically whinny
my looks are hillbilly grimy
says my significant mommy.
Stork pecked my brains away
on my dubious delivery day
but my life's a sunshiny ray
when sweet Zoe comes to play.
If you see me sometime
and you have any toy of mine
just stick it where my sun don't shine
and I'll love you mucho big time.
by Her Imperial Majesty
Zoe, Queen of the House of Victor