The Gardens - In the Beginning

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Alphabet Soup

Ooops!  Your blouse is buttoned all screwy looey, sweetie pie.  Just thought I'd tell you and everyone else in this room with us.  So bad.  I laugh...HA Ha ha..., thank my partner for alerting me and my audience to my teensy tiny blunder, speculate out loud my best solution to correct this hastily mismatched mess, and unbutton and re-button working my way up the front of my blouse until all is a-okay symmetrical.  I'm such a bad girl.

I thought that's what you said to do.  Never mind that I've used that same phrase five thousand, three hundred and sixty-five times before this day...I really did think you said to do what you didn't say to do, and I really did think you meant the opposite of what your are now saying you said you said to me to do, I really did...sweetie pie. 

I sigh the sigh of a thousand perturbed and exasperated wives, think of the twinkling sunlight dancing across the bubbling creek flowing over water polished pebbles through mossy green meadows crisscrossed with flights of delicate butterflies and busy bumblebees landing and taking off from one fragrant flower to the next as giraffes and hippos and elephants in wisps and puffs of lacy clouds float across the heavens of my happy place...PLOTTING my creative revenge.

dunDUNT!  dunDUNT!  dunDUNT!  Five years after watching that unseen monster drag that lovely swimmer all over the dag gum movie screen, I still couldn't close my eyes at bedtime without a rerun flickering in my head; so I had to become very selective in my future choices.  I've missed out on a mega chunk of gross movies, blood, guts, and gore...thanks to that eating machine with fins.  That chomping baby has saved me a ton of bucks...thanks, big guy!

Fog...forty miles of fog on the way to THE JOB.  It's happened more than once, twice...more times than I like.  Eerie, dreary, scary...I can't help but think...that news one year when car upon car upon car upon...all mangled together in flames and death.  I hate driving to THE JOB through that white blanket that chokes out the lights of cars in front or back.

Fog...only fog forever and ever...surrounding the houses...surrounding the cars leaving the block driving forever to nowhere but fogwhere and fear.  Why, oh why does a blanket of fog put that fifty year old television show back into my noggin for another replay of The Outer Limits?  The one where that city block was ripped from the face of the earth and dropped on a far far away foggy foggy planet to be studied by aliens...ooooooOOOOWEEEeeeeee.

She doesn't look quite right...those hind legs are way too long...she looks kind of, well...weird.  Kind of jack rabbitty in the hind quarters.  When she sits, her hind legs bunch up laying on top of themselves...she looks so uniquely odd.  Lacey, Lacey, Lacey...sweetie and little shit are often used in the same sentence to describe that hairball of energy and her ability to leap and scale tall buildings in a single bound.

Conquering every height in the house, she's been spied in the most unusual places, usually given away by that crunching sound of her teeth munching on a decoration that was thought beyond her reach.  Wonder Cat...or perhaps more like Catzilla where NOTHING is safe from claws or jaws.

If you're just looking there's lots you would love to take home.  If you're buying there's nothing you would love to take home...the phenomenon called "Life Sucks!".  Visiting every furniture store within a fifty mile radius has crumbled my faith as a crushed mustard seed poofed into the outer limits by a sneeze.  

Walking a thousand miles...alright already...walking five hundred miles has convinced me that I'll be pushing up daisies before I'll be pushing that last piece of new furniture in place in my space.  Husband has been very helpful in pointing out some of the most hideous pieces of furniture in existence.  I'm not quite sure if he is just joking or seriously in need of a noggin adjustment ;)

Husband's still being paid for sitting at home enjoying a life of ease for the moment.  I'm still working my butt off...maybe halfway off :)  I waited a bit, then asked him if he was going to finish his sentence..."Since I don't have to work..."  He looked at me, grinned a bit, looked back at the road as he drove us on to the store.  "I changed my mind...since you do have to work."  I'm impressed.  He's becoming one of the smartest men on the face of the earth.


  1. My husband is like that. I swear he thinks that because he is off work and has nothing to do that I am just free to do whatever with him.
    But, it's nice that he is getting paid to be home with you.

  2. Sue from asked me to let you know that she isn't ignoring you and is unable to leave any comments. She wants you to send her an email to

  3. So glad to hear from you! Sounds like Lacey is settling into your home and the best news your husband is home and being paid. I hope you had a wonderful holiday and your new year is filled with nothing but happiness.

  4. Wow, Yvonne! I have to say that I rather admired this stream of consciousness kind of writing. It also seemed that you were kind of outside yourself looking in occasionally too. And don't you dare stop writing your blog (I read that on Jerry's) because I enjoy it so much! Lacy aka Catzilla, keeps me laughing with her antics and it makes me so happy to know she has recovered beautifully and made herself at home! I love when it is foggy, except when it results in the mangling and pain you mentioned. Otherwise it is darned eerie pretty!


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