From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!
O, thou little brown bar of chocolate delight,
Your flavor trickling down my throat so excites...
My only true love, morning, noon and night-
I love you, I love you, bite by bite.
Woe is me, O woe is me,
Alas, there's no more left of thee...
A shame, such pain, our future won't be-
I'll have to go shopping for another three.
My human traps me at dinner time to stuff pills down my throat. Help.
Down on my luck,
This column is for cats, dufus! If you ARE a cat, your human should be put in time out in the basement for a year for choosing that name.
At dinnertime my two humans are always squirting me with water, thumping my nose, and scaring me off the counter beating it with a paper bag. They think I am out of control; and always lure me into the bedroom with my dinner and shut the door, trapping me. Lately, they have begun to forget that I am still in the bedroom until bedtime. What can I do? I just want to be a member of their family.
Dear Lug Nut,
Clearly anyone naming their cat after hardware on a car is not looking for another family member to add to their litter. I conferred with my room mate, Miss Zoe FeatherBender, and she agreed. She cannot ever remember of any human ever naming one of their children Lug Nut. She suggests you upchuck on the bedroom carpet by the door a few times to stop this practice by your dementia humans.
My room mates pick on me and make my life miserable. How can I get them to like me better?
Battered and Beaten,
Dear Wus Cat,