Sometimes I appreciate happiness...

Today it’s simple…simply a crispy cold round red radish dipped in a bit of freshly ground French grey sea salt…heaven, pure heaven.  I’m happy! Emerging out of the depths of dark misery into the expanse of sunshine flooding my soul reminds me once again that a reasonably good quality of life should never, ever be taken for granted.

I’m always out there…you know…living life and being peppered more oft than not with those moments when it would have been more advantageous to have zagged instead of zigged.  With each mishap there is eventually, and I do mean eveeeeeeentually, a moment in time when the realization that I have crossed over that threshold of miserable to hopeful sets my mind dancing in quiet celebration.  I’m at that place now; that place where optimism steps in.

While I may be pragmatic at times,

and

out to lunch at other times,

one thing is always certain -

coffee and dessert will cure anything,

even if only for an hour;

but oh...

what a lovely hour that will be.

Enjoy!

The Lemon Grinder

The problem with squeezing lots of lemons is the thousand spoonfuls of sugar needed to make that tooth enamel melting product a drinkable concoction.  All those left over lemon carcasses create the lumpiest bed I have ever been unfortunate enough to lie in.  Woe is that grey, white and orange looney tunes spitfire of a sweetheart kitty who tries to nap with me at midnight, only to desert me 5 minutes later for her cozier than perfection heated cat bed wrapped in pure padded luxury and totally lemon carcass free.   She’s able to do that, as she has a great support system in me.  I seem not to be able to do that as I have a pathetic support system of only me.  Trying to be at that strength it takes to be strong for myself wears me a little bit thin most times lately.

Life seems to take on the appearance of wanting to run right over the top of me and leave me trampled in its wake.  I’m fighting back, but it's a solitary fight that’s a mountain of work.  I should have could be dredged up from the past, but I’m sticking to the present time with a vengeance…it’s all I can hold on to these days.  My body seems to be a mass of problems that all reached the same point at the same time, cascading over the edge into the massive abyss of pure pain only relieved by morphine in its infancy and now I travel in and out of good, better, worse; over and over…two steps forward…one step back…one step forward, two steps back…physical therapy…my good friend…my bad friend…my only friend.  Pathetic, but I’ll survive.  I always do.

Dumped by one of my best friends...okay, so they actually weren’t one of my best friends after all...I guess it was just the case of a casual acquaintance wolf dressed up in a best friend sheep's clothing :(  It happened at my lowest point of misery when I was on morphine…the barrage of attacks one after another, after another of everything that was wrong with me in this person’s eyes.  I could only listen and try to take it all in as they exited out of my life forever, leaving me a hope you get well soon greeting card I found the next morning.  I burned it.  I tried to burn all the years of that relationship out of my brain, but of course, the material stuff goes up in smoke while the memory stuff goes on for what seems like forever. 

Life…isn’t it grand!  It’s all we have, so I embrace it with both arms and hang on tenaciously for the journey.