The Gardens - In the Beginning

Friday, March 3, 2017

Why is my life always on that slippery slide to purgatory by should have, would have, could have?



Spring's just around the corner for the fifth time this winter :(  One day high in the seventies...next day high in the forties.  I view my world a lot from windows nowadays.  I'm looking out one now as I type, and lunch on a concoction of baby dutch yellow potatoes and ground sirloin sauteed to a golden brown with fresh ground sea salt and black pepper, then two eggs lightly scrambled in...scrambled eggs succotash, I guess, and just half a cup of steaming hot coffee with milk.

To be simplistic, we shall just say I've been under the weather mentally these many days.  Seems to be overly easy to say I forgive you when one feels betrayed, but so dramatically complicated to actually forgive someone in the far corners of my mind and in the bottom depths of my heart.

I'm realizing that the effects of continual stress has cocooned itself around me with a ton of masking tape, and breaking away from it's hold is proving difficult.  Repeating a forgiveness mantra has helped concerning people in and out of my life, because the more I say it, the more I believe it :)

Listening to beautiful music has been re-introduced into my world and of course, there are the stretch exercises I will be doing until the end of time to increase my quality of living.  The ability to walk and sit should never be underrated.

Becoming a bit more minimalist with material things in my life has been an underlying theme since the creation of this blog and !rats! my life is still bogged down with material clutter :( :( :(  I'm working on it.  That's all I can say...I'm working on it!

I've shortened my version of room clutter roulette.  Second move is straight to the trash can.  I'm still trying to figure out how to empty that recycle bin in my head.  

The woebegone saga of Charlotte and Austin concluded yesterday with the bars of confinement torn down and relegated to the dark recesses of the garage.  Fingers crossed!  For those who have too soon forgotten, they were doomed to the prison of my studio for the last two years because of a spit fire calico named Lacey on a mission to chase Charlotte to the moon and leave her there, and a black stinker of a cat on a mission to chase Lacey off the face of the earth forever.

Two years later I finally had to admit defeat at trying to integrate this little black pesty cakes into the household of other cats.  We had to remove him completely.  The choice I made to try and keep happiness with the rest of the gang weighs heavy on my heart.  I can't forgive myself for giving up, because he went to a place that wasn't a guarantee of his continuance of life.  That's the best I can do without actually saying I probably gave him a death sentence.  I'm still sad on that one even though it was six months back.

Anyway......

life goes on.



2 comments:

  1. Maybe he will find a home. You did your best. You still gave him 2 more years of love than he may not have gotten.
    Take care, sweet lady.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You do realized that stress over this is not good for your health? I understand that you feel awful, I truly do, but you have to realized that, except for putting him back into a bad situation, there's nothing within your power to change his destiny. You have to make the decision to let it go, as difficult as it is. Concentrate on the good things in your life, my friend!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...