The Gardens - In the Beginning

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Trouble with Terriers - Part 1

Terriers - those cute little balls of joy, stubborn beyond belief, 22 hours play...2 hours sleep, and I am doubly blessed; I have two terriers in one...rat and jack.  A multitude of remarkable perks he flaunts, but hand-in-hand he also parades in public an equal multitude of despicable, undignified non-perks.  Most perks can be summed up into one phrase...{{{He'll eat anything, ANYTHING}}}.  Well, sometimes that's a non-perk if it's inedible to begin with...but we, for this first rave, are only concerned with edible objects of delectable delights.

My feline trio: Zoe delicately consumes every morsel, and licks her dish squeaky clean; Andee inhales his food like magic, one second it's there, next it's but a memory, so fast, I swear at times I have seen a reflux of goodies protruding slightly from both his nostrils; and Jesse............Jesse - Jesse - Jesse.  What can I say?  I've stated before that he has bouts of dementia, forgets he's eating, thinks he's being poisoned, can't remember what's edible or inedible, attention span of 15 seconds, and stares off into never never land until a gentle finger poke jogs him back into reality for a minute.

Sooooo...after opening a variety of flavorful cans of feline cuisine to find his magic flavor of the moment, and loosing the game of guessing which room I want to eat in right now, my terrier's main dish any morning or evening of the week has become the leavings off of Jesse's plate or, even worse, the just-on-the-border-of-putrefying remains in all those opened cans.  If I dive to late for Jesse's half-filled plate, and fail to snatch it out of Andee's clutches before he vacuums leftovers into oblivion in his enormous tummy, and all open cans are already licked clean; then it is truly my terrier's lottery winning day to actually eat out of a freshly opened can of food.

My terrier no way possess an air of fastidiousness as to the questionable quality of eats, just as long as he's offered them as soon as human or pet possible.  Left over veggies, fruit bits, fried fat, raw fat, table scraps, counter scraps - my terrier gently places these morsels between his teeth, and munches lightly away, licking his plate clean twenty times twenty.

He frantically scooped up aged persimmons rotting on ground, and munched as fast as his little jaws would flap open and shut, plucking that fruit from the path of whirling blades, as I sucked up all those ash leaves from patio this past weekend.  He's been spied grazing under the blackhaw viburnum, munching on tiny shriveled blue berries, raising a slight concern as to whether the gardens harbors some of nature's poisonous treats.

Cicadas unfortunately resting on low surfaces are scooped up between his teeth, and savored into oblivion.  Any insect flying past him is fair game for his jaws, and he's been seen taking flying leaps into the stratosphere to capture those delectable goodies.  He plucks spiders from their webs, and hungrily eyes bumblebees and yellow jackets, my reprimands in one ear and out the other; it's inevitable that down the road there will be dire consequences and a lesson hard learned.

But!!! to those despicable practices with inedible (by human standards) objects of delectable delights...this terrier possess not a speck of dignity.  He's covertly removed every piece of trash from waste basket, chewing it all into itty bitty pieces, and adorning my entire living area with his questionable art.

Gobbled up in the blink of an eye my freshly cut toenail clippings, my mouth remaining open with the word NO still stuck at the back of my tongue.

He relieves the kitty litter pan of its poop, and hungrily licks clean any discovered feline spit up, hair balls, and throw up.  I've noticed at times he seems to do quite a bit of munching on floors that must only have the illusion of being totally bare.  

Any dog worth his weight in gold should be loyal...right?  This barking wad of muscle and flab should be eternally grateful that I, realizing my messed up knee could only afford a 1/2 minute daily dog walk, hired for him his very own personal fitness trainer.  He's smitten with this lady, and will mope around in my presence, only to erupt into a frenzy when she appears on the scene for his daily outing.

He doesn't even have the decency to playact some interest when I return home from a hard days work.  Silence greets me at the door...check out his he still breathing?  He lazily peeks up at me and yawns...he's making his point that loyalty has to be earned his way...the little shit.

This little terrier of terrors lives on the edge, he walks a fine line between alive or dead, oh my word... or oh my god!!!, great! terriers live very long lives or good grief! terriers live very long lives.  Stay tuned for the next installment of the troubles with terriers.


  1. This was to funny...I especially loved Jesse thinking he's getting poisened...I always used to say about Boo that he thought I was trying to poisen him....He was 135 pounds and would only eat "small dog" Milkbones....and even with them you would have to shove them into his mouth like he was a human Pez dispenser....Oh we miss our Boo.

  2. I know you miss Boo very much...he was part of your family. He'll always be in your hearts forever. I've lost quite a few over the years to old age and several from sickness, and I still think of them in my quiet moments. They are always a part of us.


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