The Gardens - In the Beginning

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Dangers of Reading - Part 4

Fluffo's human of significance
 is dumb-found.
How could this...

become this...

then this?

Commando Fluffo

Duchess of the Labyrinths
of the Underworld
of Human Beds

Queen of the
House of Victor

Empress of the
Universe of Fluffodom

Her Imperial Majesty
of Absolute Power of All
Her Beady Little Eyes Survey

Weary...(ho hum)...Fluffo tires of her human of insignificance, and contemplates various scenarios of termination of her human of significance.  Living with her enemy, she reformulates her strategy, as defeat has an ugly taste, and a horrendous stench has permeated her existence causing her psychedelic aura to dim almost into non-existence.  Prying the clamps off her chained brain of set-in-stone ineffective crap plucked from Victor's dark, dark library of madness, treachery, mayhem, war, death and destruction; she struggles to claw her way back up from the bowels of hell, and rip off her strangling cloak of human bondage.

A gift from the gods appears at her bedroom window...a bribe from her human of significance.  Hating herself, she commands the highest perch to view the world past her window of chiggers, fleas, ticks, mosquitoes, lice, lime disease, heartworms, hookworms, roundworms, whipworms, and BIRDS. 

Her brain festers knowing she is denied the freedom of all her beady little eyes draw in.  Her brain sizzles at the frustration of having to eat whatever garbage dump flavor her human of significance heaps in her dish, whether it's moist now or dried up into rock chunks by noon.  Her brain goes ballistic knowing she is still a prisoner of pill popping mania, having everything but the kitchen sink shoved down her throat.

BUT...Fluffo's mellowing, much to her distress.

Fluffo realizes, from her years of covertly reading all her stubby little paws can claw from the shelves, that she must become one with the enemy to defeat the enemy.  The forbidden room of reverence, that room her human of significance hides in all hours of day or night, toiling away with sharp things and sticky things, and smelly things...those lofty bookcases, and the tools of torture lining the shelves, piled on the tables, stuffed in the closet, and overflowing on the desk.

She leaps to great heights, too far for her short munchkin legs if she was not driven to the brink of insanity by the quest to be enlightened.  Randomly clawing books, and ripping them from their secure sanctuary to the vast wasteland below, she drags her booty into her underworld of human beds.  Claws retracted, she viciously pounces all over that metal thingie her human of insignificance has the audacity to store in her realm of darkness, until it releases its brightness on the pages of her stash.  

Fluffo is mesmerized by this fascinating collection of reading.  She is beginning to comprehend the concept of manipulation....covert manipulation...cunningly covert manipulation.  She discards words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch interpreting her love languages out of the five to be Acts of Service and RECEIVING GIFTS.  Her glimmer of possibilities has changed to a blast of brilliant sunshine possibilities...all for Fluffo and Fluffo for Fluffo!

Feigning love...phew...interestingly, she didn't choke to death on that one, loving attitude...okay, lets rephrase that with Fluffo in mind.  Pretending to be a cutsie lovie kitty will most certainly twine her human of significance tightly around her soft paw of hidden razor sharp claws.  The possibilities of luxurious contentment, at one time never even a grain of thought in her psycho riddled brain, is saturating her entire being faster than two chomps of a juicy bug, smothering whatever feline dignity she might have possessed and blurring the lines of decency as she crosses over into a cat and mouse relationship with her human of significance.

Deserting her perch-in-the-heavens at her bedroom window, she has claimed the cushy rocker in her human of significance's reverend room of sharp, sticky, smelly torture tools.  She basks in the knowledge that her human of disagreeable significance is baffled by her desertion of her gift, wondering where she went wrong with its looks, placement, or lovability.

She has forced herself to lay upon her human of despicable significance's bed, at the foot, just out of reach of her touch, and disappears in a flash if arms extend towards her.  She gleefully, maliciously, abides her time waiting to see if her human of loathsome significance, in an effort to capture a bit of her "love", will shower her with more gifts or acts of service.  

A little of this and a lot of that -

Andee's in my face purring up a storm, pacing back and forth, and finally has settled down; sprawled out on top of the scanner while thunder is rumbling away overhead.  These types of posts consume most of my time leaving me no life of my own until I've finished.  Searching through tons of clip art until finding all the possibilities that might work, snapping photo after photo after photo for just the right shots, then altering the heck out of them all until they seem to fit the idea to my liking.  It is only then that I begin to create the tale that will tie all the art together.  It takes me quite a while to make this all work, cause 'dang it', you all expect it to be entertaining...haha!

My Fluffo stories are half truths, I guess, totally based around Zoe's quirky life in our household.  Andee will tell you she's definitely a little shit, but she's not quite as psycho as Fluffo.  I have fun making her a demented little demon, and husband says at times I am not far off the mark.

My gardens are so rain saturated, I'm interested in seeing if mold will be sprouting up anytime soon, if it can get past that velcro plant and vetch that is smothering everything right now.  I just stuffed a 30 gallon trash bag full of that crap before settling down tonight to finish this post.

Just 11 days, and husband will be back for a short vacation from Afghanistan; and I'm so ready to


three days of playing garden catch up
two steel trellis' to put up
and a partridge in a pear tree.


  1. That's great you will get to see your husband soon.
    I love this post. You did tie everything together so great.

  2. Fluffo sounds and looks like quite a character! this was a fun read! I hope the eleven days pass quickly for you, and that he is home safe and sound to party with you!

  3. Oh Yvonne... I bet you can hardly wait for your lovely hubby to return! Even if for just a short visit!!! I hope that it is spectacular for both of you!


  4. Love the stories! Glad the hubs gets some leave time. Wishing both of you a wonderful party time!!

  5. Seriously, if the little buggers got any bigger you wouldn't be able to keep them in the house.

    Which of course is part of the allure of a cat: adorably fuzzy and potentially dangerous all at once...


  6. Oh, and so glad that your husband will be home soon!!

    (Sometimes I type too fast for my own good.)



  7. I love it!! So funny. I love our cat, Dobby's, personality. He is a maniac. He gets those looks going too. One moment he is happy and purring, the next he is ready for evil!

  8. Hi, thanks for stopping by and following... I have enjoyed looking around your blog. I'll be back. Congratulations on your husband coming home, I wish him well.


    I pride myself on trying to visit everyone I follow as often as possible. I enjoy all of you so much and have deliberately surrounded myself with the type of up-beat, happy bloggers as possible.

    However, recently I have taken in my 32 year old granddaughter and her two children. It has been such a monumental change for me I am finding it hard to keep up my blogging, and my visiting.

    I hate to admit it but there have been some difficulties with adjustments (on both sides) and I find that I just don't have the time to do the things I want to do. I also seem to be letting it get me down.

    Just give me some time and I will be back on my game soon....I'm sure......kt

  10. Fluffo is my kind of kitty for sure! Cats are so dramatic anyway and I think you've captured that so well.
    I'm thrilled for you that hubby is coming home soon. I know you'll be so glad to have him around.

  11. I have a "Fluffo", or at least some level of Fluffo. I truly think she has a split personality. Love her to pieces, but sometimes I wonder if she's secretly plotting my demise.

    Great story. I hope you and hubby get some wondeful together time.

    ~Mrs B

  12. How Absolutely AWESOME that your husband will be home in 11 days! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!!

    Great "Fluffo" story - super photos/images as well!!! Very funny and entertaining!!!
    Have a wonderful weekend.

  13. Hi! Found you by the Follow Friday. New follower!

  14. New follower from the Friday Blog Hop! :)
    Jen @ My Secret Home


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