Sunday, June 16, 2013
When life disappoints...
I was lied to by someone I care about and I'm swimming around at rock bottom. I'll get over it, I always do, but not right now. It's happened before, and even though I think of this person as someone good, I feel it's in their nature to fib a bit to themselves and others as a way of coping with the downsides of life. Bouncing back is always a long time in coming, and it devastates me that this bond of trust between us has been crushed again.
I don't believe in third chances for the same crime, but for some reason this person has received a fourth, fifth, and sixth chance to do it to me again. I received an apology, but apologies roll off the lips of this person as easily as the lies do. My feelings have been altered this time around...altered, I think, for good.
This person is a part of my life and always will be, but I wish to isolate themselves from me. At first I was going to say isolate myself from them, but I don't take well to the idea of building four walls around me. I think I would rather build the four walls around them, and leave the roof off so I can peek in once in a while and make sure they are doing as well as they let themselves do.
Sometimes I wish I had planned better for myself, but I didn't; and you know what they say about wishes...all a dime a dozen and a waste of good time. I'm going outside in the hot humid suck-all-the-life-out-of-you southern June air and plant my veggie seeds in the raised beds, and see if they produce before fall drops all the leaves.
See, I'm still optimistic and a believer in miracles. Sometimes that works in my favor, but sometimes it's a thorn in my side.