Sitting here on empty, my brain’s a blank landscape. There’s plenty of thankfulness and just as much non-thankfulness. When we lose one blessing another is often most unexpectedly given in its place. Why are we collectors of clever little sayings? They’re really only for the people who don’t hurt, to surround themselves with warm fuzzy upbeat feelings. For all of us who hurt, words offer no comfort to a heart that’s bleeding sorrow.
My Thanksgiving post…this is my Thanksgiving post because the holiday’s just around the next two corners and I don't feel like writing much more after this. I need to gather my thoughts into a soft velvet bag, tie the cords up tight, and bury it in the back yard under three feet of dirt, take a deep breath and start fresh.
Never plan a thing for this holiday. It’s just a day off from work…my good, unless company comes…then I try to dream up a feast for the gods. BUT…company seldom comes on November what-ever, so I’m usually safe in abandoning the date. What are my favorite dates, did you not ask, but I’m going to pretend that you did? I’m partial to the calendar day I was born, as in my small corner of this immense universe, I can selfishly claim it as all mine. For a whole day I get to celebrate how important I think I am all the rest of the year.
Christmas…my second and only other holiday I live all year for its appearance, to openly celebrate what I keep in my heart all the rest of the year. Love company, but seldom have it, and with husband overseas for another six months, it’s just me, five cats and a dog to take all the splendor in with awe and bask in the warmth of the season surrounded by chilly weather and sleeping landscapes.
A nod of deep affection to those who have left me at this stage of my life…my mother Helen, my brother Bob, and sweet kitties Andee and Travis. You are so missed. At this moment, feeling beaten up by life...my life, I don't seem able to rise above the ashes anymore. I want to fade into the background for a while to rest and heal my soul in quiet, and I will heal...eventually. Isn't it a bitch, that which matters most, always takes it sweet time to arrive?