Friday, January 21, 2011

Just another day in the burbs of LA

Sitting in the waiting room this morning...husband's auto's slightly sick, had an appointment at opening time, but the bay is crammed full of vehicles and three bodies are already at three opposite walls in the wait room; three unmanly bodies of insignificant features...I'm definitely checking out the magazine stacks.  An hour plus half later, car doc is checking out husband's wheels, a twist, a plug, a double pat, and soon it's good to go.

Earlier, managed only to upright myself in bed after 5 or 6 snooze alarm button resets, couldn't reeve up my gears above poking speed, so except for the getting dressed part of all my before-go-to-work chores, I had accomplished nothing in the way of speedily preparing myself before dragging this unwilling body, and plunking it into that hunk of junk work of art Isuzu of husband's.  Now after its check-up, the deadbeat sweet treat is parked once again in its resting place.  I still have the job calling my name...come to me, come to me, I want to ruin the rest of your day.

I reach for the fridge, but stop.  The memory of the feast I had gorged into my mouth during last night's boohoo crap out time while the remnants of a headache still simmered in my noggin, stops me dead in my tracks.  I almost barf, and choose instead just a small cup of coffee with cream.

I'm going to have to lay off the food for a few days to get over this one.

Lock the door to my little bungalow of sheet rock and plastic siding, and slide my bodacious body into that sleek sweet red-hot love on wheels, my (kiss kiss hug hug) little Toyota Solara, and fly off to my work destination.  I'm leaving LA (Lower Antioch), hooray, hurrah, bah humbug.  UA (Upper Antioch)...LA (Lower Antioch), I get confused...but I've been told if I allude to the wrong one, I'll be looked upon as low down dirtier than hog slop dog poop trailer trash...good gosh...I hope I have it right.

Out the back way on a two lane highway, speeding through tree covered country side with houses here and there, and over the bridge across that large span of cool deep blue water. 

Some days billows of fog surround me, blue herons have flown over and under me, and when water's clear and calm it's speckled with gliding sail boats.  I speed on through part of a state park and through more tree, deer, and turkey country, on past a transformer tower blanketed in roosting buzzards with a few snacking on the ground.

I'm so hoping that's not an omen of how the rest of my day is going to play out.

Freeway entrance coming up, and I'm speeding in and out of semitrailer truck traffic for a delightful ten minutes off ramp's just ahead.

Slowing down, speeding up, slowing down again, flagmen, bulldozers, oops! a highway patrol car hiding of this five mile stretch of country highway to city highway is nearing a decade to complete!!! 

I'm cruising the twilight zone of Sumner county.  Every wreck imaginable has happened on this over crowded stretch of two lane highway, most making no sense whatsoever.  One day I'm flying 10 miles over speed limit to keep up, next day I'm crawling 15 miles under speed limit to keep up.  Oh rats...I'm following a hearse.  Hearses are on the roads all the time, right???, no need to read anything into this one.  Slowing down, coming to another town, over bridge crossing an inlet of water, over the hill, and past a yellow, crumpled up, burned out tow truck dead on its side with its tires set in rigger mortis.  This isn't looking good, not looking good at all.

At last...across an ancient green expansion bridge above another inlet from the river, and since I'm already so late for work, ten more minutes added on...who cares.  Convenience store, here I come!  Checking out the somewhat toxic goodies, my cell phone's playing my song...hello?  It's boss telling me not to bother coming in, nothing's going on anyway...he seems too eager to burn up many more hours of my leave time.  Sorry, I say...ten minutes more, and I'll be at your front door...see you then.

On the bypass and out of town I go, through housing tracts and farm lands, my turn off's just ahead.  Down a tight hilly little country back road and into a hollow, the entrance to work sweet work.  Swinging out to turn and park beside the office...what the!!!, the door's wide open and the office is abandoned.  The ranger calls it ADD (attention deficit disorder), I just call it dementia, and I think I'm winning on this one.  Been going on for near a year...always announcing he's going to retire, always forgetting that he thought it or said it more times than he remembers it.

Is this rain EVER going to's been raining for days!  And yes, on my way back home at end of soggy day, the buzzards are still at it...roosting on that transformer tower, and still snacking on whatever that rather large tasty morsel is.  I speed to end another day at my shack back in LA, UA???, LA...I'm not trailer trash!

Ok...maybe I am.  Sigh.........

Thursday, January 13, 2011


My life has woven itself together so complicatedly, that it's impossible to tell where one thread begins and another ends.  I dissect it ever so haphazardly in my blog entries, like a movie where one suffers whiplash endlessly careening back and forth in time, or a tornado picking up bits and pieces of the landscape, whirling it in a blender, and throwing off the fragments to land where ever and whatever.

I could label this my year to inspire myself, but I hate labels, they limit like crazy.  If creativity excels without boundaries, then torch all labels to a pile of glowing embers, because my flight pattern is set to take me to the stars and beyond.   

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Warmth of Cold

People tell me I live in the south...please tell me south of what???north pole???I want to know.  Push broom and sand filled bucket readied by the door, unpacking ice skates...okay, alright, I can't skate a lick, but I tell you, I swear, I'm going to learn;  'cause I live somewhere in the south, and it's going to snow snow snow for the next three days....hooray.  I'll send you hugs and kisses as soon as I thaw out these frozen frostbit lips and fingers and toe tips.

Kitty Kat Trail

 Kitty Food Trail

The feline trio are cat nippy happy, flying down halls, ricocheting off walls, sliding on floors, rolling 'cross rugs, ousting the doggie, avoiding the mommie, 'cause a monstrous mystical magical shred and bed tree appeared from santa claws their day after Christmas.  Ms. Claws subcontracted this artistically challenge project to somewhere we kinda thinka wassa sorta likea china...not quite sure on this one.  It was to be of the good ole US of A variety, but after five months of wait-email, wait-email, wait-email, wait-email, wait-then an email something like "Just wondering if I'm ever going to get that dang cat tree before all the cats up and die?", a phone call soon followed and wallah!!! cat tree appeared.

  Less than 5 minutes and it's marked by some little squirt of the trio, and shredded with glee as a thousand little barkie bits fly all directions of the room.  Pure contentment knows no boundaries.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Trouble with Terriers - Part 2

Terriers...trouble?...well wash my mouth out with soap, tar and feather me, put me on the bad person bad person list...let's just say MY troubled terrier is a lot of trouble.  A formidable pain in the patootie, an etiquette nightmare, a hooked-on-poop rehab flunky, and according to the feline trio, an all-time despicably crass room mate.  Biggest problem is that he is so darn cute and lovable, his personal trainer, vet clinic staff, visitors, everyone who sets eyes upon him lets him jump all over them...they even encourage it. 

he's not allowed...
he's not allowed...
he's not allowed!
People training is one big pain in the derriere!

And since I brought up the words - vet clinic - his last visit had the staff preening all over him, gently removing the scabs on his lower lip caused by food allergies.  As they were discussing what direction to pursue next he proceeded to gobble up his scabs, much to every one's horror...ha ha ha!  

This terrier is one gigantic barkaholic of a pooch.  He barks at the roofers three houses over, at the dog in his yard across the street, at the lady two houses down checking her mailbox, at people walking their dogs on the street, at people walking themselves on the street.  Living near an intersection, on a clear day it seems like he can see forever in any of the three directions...bark, bark, barka, bark, bark, bark, bark, baaaaaark, baaaaaak, bark, bark, bark!!!

A fantastic two hour session with the suck all your money right out of your wallet in no time flat dog whisperer had taught me to use the poke with finger trick accompanied with loud obnoxious gruff word to correct this breach of dog, he=baby dog.  This method was not working worth a darn on this stubborn little ball of zeal after dog whisperer left.

Someone clued me in to another dog whisperers take on correcting a French bull dog who seemed to be worse than a terrier when it comes to tenacity.  He proceeded to flip it over on its back, kung fu doggie down move, then did the correction.  Wow!!!  I can tell you first hand this method is brilliant and really works!  

Christmas company spoiled this opportunistic little terrier shamelessly.  He was kissed, hugged, coddled, babied, squeezed in embraces of love, sat on laps, laid on chests, what a racket this little devil with four footsies had going.  At some point before the morning after Christmas breakfast, he evidently was beginning to feel all restrictions had vanished and anything was up for grabs.

Breakfast finished, table cleared, remaining part of the Quiche Lorraine sitting on counter waiting to be removed to smaller dish and whisked off to the fridge - that little bag of glee decided if Jesse's cat step furniture was good enough for Jesse, then it was good enough for him.  He was caught on the top step delicately munching away on the remains of the quiche.

When caught in the act, I just know that underneath that exterior guise of bewilderment was an inner workings of cool perplexity solely thinking -   
"Oh crap, I should have ate faster!"


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Dinner in Bed

On my lap, off my lap 5 seconds later;
he's telling me he wants to eat.
Sniff food on plate in kitchen,
turn and walk towards bedroom;
he's telling me he wants room service.
Sniff at plate of food on floor in bedroom,
look up at me and just sit there;
he's telling me he wants dinner in bed.
What a life!!!
I should be so lucky.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 - What an Entrance!

After the midnight hour,
an explosion of thunder,
nail popping house vibration,
cats scattered to the far ends of
the underworld of beds,
dog clinging onto my leg for dear life,
heart throbbing in my throat,
and a deluge of rain
from the heavens.
Doesn't get much better than that!

And this morning...
pond overflowing with acid rain.
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