Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Naughty List

Dear Santa,
Good dogs don't steal snacks from the kitty litter pan.
He's a baaaaaaaaad dog...
a VERY bad dog!
Miss Kitty Perfect little JackRat...have you been slightly naughty these last eleven months?

I don't answer to that name, mommy of sucks!

Whoa...where did you learn to speak like that?

I listen to you all the time, mommy dearest.

Oh, so you choose not to obey me on purpose.


You're half 'n half...Jack Russell and Rat Terrier.

It's uncouth being called a rat, mommy dear.

Uncouth?  How did you come up with that word?  Did one of the cats look it up for you in the thesaurus?

In the whatus?

The  thesa...never what does my little terror on paws prefer to be called?

R. Russell!

Hmmm...R R.  You do remember your real name is Dustin, don't you?

Dustin Smustin...R. Russell is my real name from now on, mommy not so dear.

Okay, little stink pot, R R. it is.

R. Russell!

R R.!

R. Russell, R. Russel, R. Russell!

R R., R R., R R.!

:(  Are you sure we're related, mommy tough nut repeat-a-lot.

Of course, we're related.  I'm stubborn and my little doggy woggy, kiss kiss, hug hug is stubborn too.

:`(  Bluck, bluck, spit spit patooie!  Zoe says I have a big problem and I'm toast this Christmas.

Zoe...our cat Zoe?  She doesn't even like you.  Why are you listening to her.

She's smart.

Smart?  Who told you that?


Hmmmmmmmmm...  I'll have to think on this one a bit.

R. Russell!  




Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy...dinnertime!

Dinner's not for another two hours.  Let's talk about being toast at Christmas time.

Bow wow wow wow wow wow... :)  mommy being toast at Christmas time with strawberry jam on top...yeh yeh yeh!

What the hell!  We're going to talk about your chat with Zoe.  

What chat with Zoe?  She doesn't even like me, mommy dearest.


Has Santa been here yet, has he HAS HE HAS HE!

That's Christmas eve, my little bark-a-holic.  He only visits dogs who have been extra good.

:) I'm going to get gobs and gobs of stuff :)

Hmmm...have you been extra good, my ditsy little pooch?

I haven't bitten a single soul this past eleven months, and I only chew up shoes I can sneak outside when no one is looking.

What was that last part you said?

I said nothing, mommy dear.  You must be a little tired and hearing voices.

What about the five hundred fifty-two times you've barked at the window just this last month?

I'm sure it couldn't have been more than three hundred twenty-five times.  I'm just in watch dog mode protecting my mommy :)

What was that first part you said?

I said no first part, mommy love a lot.  Perhaps you could lie down and rest a bit.

I see you're up to your old terrier tricks again by being so boringly stubborn.  You know I have your number, little doggy-poo poo.  You gobble those tootsie roll snacks right out of the kitty litter pan every day :(

I'm just hungry, mommy sweetest, and saving you money buying less cans of dog food for me.  Cat yummy!

What was that, my little munchkin.  What did you say at the end, and don't tell me I'm imagining it all, little squirt!

Of course not, sweet mommy of mine.  Just my stomach grumbling cause it's hungry.


Has Santa been here yet, has he HAS HE HAS HE!  

Oh, good grief!  Pardon me while I go to my blank mind space with a glass of white wine and a package of salty peppered potato chips.  




Charlotte & Austin

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