I am so utterly heartbroken...

I think I have cried so much; my soul is dead.  I feel nothing but emptiness.

Lacey died yesterday evening from cardiac arrest; her little body was so thin, she had no more to give, and let go of life.  I wasn’t there when she breathed her last breath, which I find unbearable to live with at the moment.  I would have wished for her to feel my touch and kiss before she passed.

I am angry that my veterinarian kept telling me it would take time for the medication to work while she basically starved to death.  I am disappointed in myself that I didn’t pursue a second opinion sooner, especially when the emergency veterinarian told me there were more options if time had been on her side. 

It is a mess in my head right now.  

She was my calm when she laid on my lap to be stroked across her cheek and the back of her neck; then when I spoke, turning her head towards me with those soulful eyes gazing into mine with such sublime ecstasy.  As I quietly sat listening to her low soothing purr, she never failed to turn her gaze once again in my direction followed by a hoarse little murmur of a meow when I spoke to her.  She was so lovely that way, talking to me.

Sweet Dreams, my sweetheart.

I love you so much.

The House of Spiders

It’s a quarter past midnight, ending a day of on again, off again, on again rainy hours… same as yesterday and the day before.  The soil was actually pliable enough to plant five Butterfly Weeds in the cleared-out corner of the prairie garden, causing me a troubled night of lousy sleep as my head was throbbing each of the three times I woke to drink water and pacify a pleading Lacey… feed me, feed me, FEED ME!!! 

I’m no worse for wear this early morning, but my soft adjustable bed is seductively singing its irresistible siren song, climb in and let me help you to a blissful morning of luxurious sleep… I promise… I promise…I promise…, as it lures me into an early morning of gentle torture of never ever finding that perfect adjustment that gives relief, even though I raise and lower it umpteen times trying.

Good night… bad night… whatever, see you when the cats start complaining about no breakfast.

A calico, sitting in my doorway at 7:00 am prompt, meowing, and meowing, and meowing in that weak low voice of hers.  Impossible to ignore after a straight five minutes of feed me's; thus, my morning wakeup call.  

I’d like to pretend I’m not one of those ancient beings who tells the same story a hundred and one times to drive their relatives insane… but maybe I am.  I’m only telling this story a second time around, I think it’s only the second time… anyway, because… well, because, I have absolutely nothing else to talk about.  Isn’t that so heartbreakingly sad ☹

Spiders – one of my posts years ago featured them as vermin to be sucked up into the vacuum cleaner and good riddance! 😊 One must remember, I think I was around eleven years old at the time of the event, and until that time, the longer the legs the more power of frozen fear a spider held over me.

My parents were no help either, in that they perpetuated that myth that Pholcid spiders, aka cellar spiders, aka daddy long-legs spiders were the world’s most venomous animal but didn’t have jaws to bite humans effectively.  Of course, they have venom, but it isn’t particularly strong, and those jaws, well studies are sparse in that department, but the cellar spider does seem content living alongside humans without viewing them as lunch.

While the cellar spider looks so fragile, they’re only fragile in the sense that they probably crumple into a leggy mess when vacuumed up.  Otherwise, look out house spiders, flies, bees, wasps, hopefully cockroaches, and heaven forbid… other little cellar spiders, you’re all on the dinner menu of this little tyke with eyes bigger than its tummy.  It’s even been known to wander away from its own messy web to infiltrate a different spider species web and pretend caught, only to eat the spider who has come to feast on its catch.  Devilish little creatures. 

Growing up in a small town of around five thousand souls next door to a smaller town of perhaps a thousand more, summer vacations were often filled with too many tedious days of nothing to do.  One year, the School Kid House Cleaners Program, or whatever it was called, was opened for business to give bored youngsters something more to do than tossing grasshoppers into burn cans to watch them explode.  I was meek and perfect, so I signed up strictly for the big bucks.

While I cleaned more than one house that summer, only one house has remained in my memory to this day.  The county sheriff’s wife, whose son was one of my classmates, wanted the inside of their home completely vacuumed and dusted.  I knew how to clean a house, mom saw to that early in my life, so… a piece of cake, or so I thought.  It was a large house, an all-day job with lunch.

Dragging the vacuum cleaner into the master bedroom, the last room of the day, and closing the door to cut down on the noise level, all seemed normal until I reached a corner of the room.  I cannot even begin to describe the emotions that swirled in my mind as I looked from that floors corner up the long path of wall meeting wall to the ceiling.  It was packed with those freakishly long-legged creatures stacked upon each other like sardines in a can.

From corner to corner, along that great highway of where wall meets ceiling, they waited crowded beside each other, and on down the next corner to meet the floor. Slowly turning in a circle with eyes glued to every surface around me, I concluded screaming wasn’t an option even though every crevasse in the room was crowded solid with those little beasties. How could these people not even notice?

Apparently, the eats were plentiful, or perhaps they were feasting on each other, as they seemed to be multiplying beautifully, a complete ecosystem of their very own in this well-loved bedroom… then along came Yvonne and sucked the life right out of that colony with her trusty vacuum cleaner.  The genocide seemed to last forever, but we all know spiders can hide in pure air, so I’m sure the colony exploded with new bodies spinning their tales of how one day long ago, the great monster of wind made a hearty feast of them.

I never mentioned a word about the spiders, as one never knows if they were looked upon as fond pets; but every night I dreamed of daddy long legs crawling back out of the vacuum cleaner hose to haunt me, and could have sworn they were crawling all over me for weeks to come.

Cabbage White Butterfly, Pieris rapae

Cabbage Whites have a darkened underside of the wing, 

which enables them to heat up quickly in the sun.  

The degree of darkening differs from individual to individual, 

and is controlled by temperature and day length.

Like an angel...

Carpenter Bees resting early morning on Liatris aspera flowers,

the male with a very square white patch between the eyes.

American Beautyberry, Callicarpa americana

I've seen three Monarchs this year,

but as far as a photo is concerned, this is as good as it gets.

American Beautyberry, Callicarpa americana var. lactea

Pearl Crescent Butterfly, Phyciodes tharos on Aromatic Aster plant

Large Milkweed Bug Nymphs, Oncopeltus fasciatus

Seed bugs in the family Lygaeidae 

that feed upon the juices from the seeds of milkweed.

One week later

Mud Monster - clay oozing up through the cracks

Skipper Butterflies

Colorful Hover Fly

Chelone lyonii 'Hot Lips'

Aster 'Paten'

Winterthur Viburnum

Schizophyllum commune, the Split-gill Mushroom

Found in the wild on decaying trees

after rainy seasons followed by dry spells.

Mushroom resembles undulating waves of tightly packed corals 

or loose Chinese fan.

Orchard Spider, Leucauge venusta, out of it's web.

I didn't see this spider until it moved.

Hackberry Emperor Butterfly (Asterocampa celtis)

Isn't it a beauty?

1.37 - 2.45" 

This one is closer to 1.50"

The Four-Footer Brigade

~

Charlotte & Austin chillin' out.

Lacey thinking mommy's water is the best,

…if only she can reach it.

Dustin & Austin waiting for dinner.

Lacey Died

[Lacey quit eating yesterday, and was wobbly and lethargic today.  Four hours was spent at the Nashville Veterinary Specialists Emergency Clinic before I was told their opinion.  She is staying overnight and perhaps several more nights, while they diagnose her condition, and come up with a new treatment plan.  I have a sinus headache from, I guess, crying so much.  This post was mostly already written before today, so I'm publishing it as is.  I plan to take a break for as long as I need to.  Always know, I enjoy you all.  Take care.] 

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Saturday's Critters

My Corner of the World