I was lied to by someone I care about and I'm swimming around at rock bottom. I'll get over it, I always do, but not right now. It's happened before, and even though I think of this person as someone good, I feel it's in their nature to fib a bit to themselves and others as a way of coping with the downsides of life. Bouncing back is always a long time in coming, and it devastates me that this bond of trust between us has been crushed again.I don't believe in third chances for the same crime, but for some reason this person has received a fourth, fifth, and sixth chance to do it to me again. I received an apology, but apologies roll off the lips of this person as easily as the lies do. My feelings have been altered this time around...altered, I think, for good.
This person is a part of my life and always will be, but I wish to isolate themselves from me. At first I was going to say isolate myself from them, but I don't take well to the idea of building four walls around me. I think I would rather build the four walls around them, and leave the roof off so I can peek in once in a while and make sure they are doing as well as they let themselves do.
Sometimes I wish I had planned better for myself, but I didn't; and you know what they say about wishes...all a dime a dozen and a waste of good time. I'm going outside in the hot humid suck-all-the-life-out-of-you southern June air and plant my veggie seeds in the raised beds, and see if they produce before fall drops all the leaves.
See, I'm still optimistic and a believer in miracles. Sometimes that works in my favor, but sometimes it's a thorn in my side.
Oh Yvonne! I am sorry someone did this to you. I had to cut someone out of my life (well more than one person) for that. You give people chances and still they screw it up. I hope your planting gives you some peace for awhile.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ruth. The planting actually did help.
DeleteI have someone in my life who does the same. Only not even as a coping mechanism for the down sides of life. As a habit and a bad one. I hate being lied to. You have to do what you have to do, Yvonne. I wish I had more words of comfort but your idea of walling that person in, has merit.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sherry. I'm still thinking it over.
DeleteWell, it is a complicated web indeed when we deceive. Of course, I have no idea what "the lie" was but here is my experience: the liar is trying to protect "something", their own fragile self, a situation, a relationship, something and he/she is fearful of losing something. The "lie" becomes a defense, misconstrued as it may be. Maybe even an attempt at comfort, certainly out of fear of discovery and not about "The Issue". It is never "The Issue". It is always "something else"! Fear of losing something almost always turns to anger. I will avoid all of this and not really lie but tell you what I think you want to hear? The real truth is that we never really "know" anyone, we inflict upon them what we want or need them to be. Eventually we discover it was us! We were the ones who lied! We gave power to someone else that they didn't possess! It is our own weakness that we confront and that is where the pain comes from. Like in, why in the hell did I do that??? You will find the truth in your garden!
ReplyDeleteWell, Jerry, you gave me a lot to think about. I had a talk with this person, and I'm not expecting them to loose their identity and be me anymore. If they decide to step off the edge of the world, I'm letting them. Who knows, they may discover they really can fly. Thank you.
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