Sunday, February 7, 2021

The Wind Blows Cold





















She thinks long about the type of person she really was.  She knows it doesn’t matter, and yet, it does.  However she lived her life, it was as it is now…as if the layers of all she was meant to be are still wrapped around her like a rose bud in drought, shriveled and dying. .  She feels alone in a world she passed through so quickly, even her memories betray her.  It really doesn’t matter, though, not now.

She turns off the lights, lays back in her comfy chair with her knees bent and feet angled on the hassock, softly shuts her eyes, and drifts out to sea floating on every note of the melody the piano keys lightly play of the music she's listening to.  Tune after tune, her existence seems merely her essence, moving to and fro as the cold wind nudges her along in her brief escape from her meaning of life.





I have two sisters, one ten years younger, and the other about half way in between.  We seemed to have separate lives growing up, most likely due to our age differences.  Contrasting personalities and nonshared interests detached us further until we might as well have been living on separate planets from each other.   

Adult life eventually put great physical distances between us, although I lived close to my youngest sister for a short period of years after I returned from my time in Panama, Central America.  We all kept in touch sporadically, but we rarely had much in common.

Somewhere in there my youngest sister forged a wedge of iron that killed what closeness there was with me.  She remembers nothing of those days.  I talk with her when she phones, but the rarely less than four hour long calls are exhausting.  I divorce myself from her reach, when she sinks me into depression and I need a break.

It’s been my life with her, for better or for worse.  It just is.  This is somewhat vague as it should be, for although I have not always liked my sister, I have never stopped loving her, as I feel she has never stopped loving me.  The other things can be accepted and forgotten.




Sonya with Dad (2004-2005)






My sister Debi shared with me last week, that Sonya was found collapsed on the floor of where she was living and taken to the hospital.  We had conflicting information from her son and from her daughter as to the cause, but the bottom line was she had cancer that was no longer treatable.  She always self diagnosed and could seldom afford doctors, so Debi and I believe she'd been sick for ages and had attributed it to something else.

Sonya died this morning.  I loved her as best I could.

17 comments:

  1. Hello Yvonne,
    I am sorry for the loss of your sister Sonya. Sending prayers for you and your family. Take care, wishing you a good day and new week!

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  2. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. A sister is a sister, even at a long distance - in space, time or even soul - and love is always there, even if it seems silent.
    I do not know what to say. I never know what to say in such situations.
    Condolences. I’m so sorry.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss!

    i see you have winther in america as well.Nice photoes!

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  4. So sad..sorry for your loss..
    I have had the same relationship with my younger sister..We are 3 years apart but were never in the same school, didn't have the same friends..she went away to college after I graduated from Nursing school...them marriage and geography kept us apart except for holidays..SO when she and her husband moved down the street several years ago, it was a huge adjustment..We are very different and didn't really know each other..5 years later, things are pretty good...Interesting, the twists and turns in life..sending condolences

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. My sincerest condolences.

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  6. I saw your comment for Debra, She Who Seeks. Since you visited her, I decided to visit you. My condolences. My sister-in-law died recently. I hadn't seen her in a long time. We were separated by distance and age, but she had many lovely attributes. I loved her far more than I love my four older sisters. I don't even know if I love them. I care, though.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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  7. I'm following you.

    Love again,
    Janie

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  8. Condolences on the death of your sister. Sibling relationships can be hard but then again, they are a truly unique relationship. Who else do we know for our entire lives?

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  9. I am an only child and have no experience of sibling love, but is a loved one only missed when they are no longer there, in your case at the latest when the sister no longer calls? Farewell is always a sad affair. I see a lovely and lovely person sitting next to your father, I'm sorry for your loss.

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  10. This morning I read the comment you wrote about my post about our dog Snickers.
    So I went looking for you, to thank you for your kindness.
    And now I am “reading you “
    Oh my . . . do I love your style . . .
    Reflective Depth Honest . . . sits well with me . . .
    love
    lynne

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  11. Oh, dear Yvonne,
    the introductory cat photo is adorable! <3 <3 <3 And the nature close-ups are wonderful.
    Your words are full of poetry again - and melancholy, no wonder on this subject.
    I can understand your feelings for your sister - this "nor always likeing" but "still loving her". I have a brother 14 years older than me, whom I have always loved and often admired, even if that was sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes I thought he was annoying. We are now older and closer to each other. One is the connection of the blood, the other is the human level which is not always appropriate, the human wire which does not always send.
    Anyway, it sounds like a sad ending.
    I embrace you.
    Best wishes, Traude
    https://rostrose.blogspot.com/2021/02/ausflug-in-den-nationalpark-neusiedler.html

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  12. I am so saddened by your loss ~ lots of healing energy hugs to you Xxxxxxxxx ~ Despite the loss you have beautiful photos of the kitties and nature too ~ Be safe, be well.

    Moment by moment,

    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

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  13. I am so sorry for your pain and your loss.
    I am estranged from my youngest child. It is very difficult. I don't talk to my brother, either. sigh.
    Beautiful cats!

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  14. I've been feeling the need to come back here for a few days. I'm coming now to tell you that Austin and Lacey went to my heart, but their image was overshadowed by the sad news. I love Dustin and Charlotte too, but they're not in the picture here. 😊
    I like all the photos - they are, somehow, fragments of... the life of Nature.
    I wish you everything you wish! ❤️

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  15. That is so sad. For some people we do what we can but it'll never be enough. Sad that she hadn't sought medical help.

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  16. So sorry to hear about your loss.

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