Monday, October 7, 2019

She wonders how her life would have been if...


...her sigh is long and pensive.  



Life in the past...such a waste, she thinks.  Hope sustained her for many years, until she realized her journey had been destined to failure from the very beginning.  She had choices and how she chose has come full circle to haunt her.

A prisoner bound by the bars of necessity, she wonders how to flourish in this atmosphere that keeps sucking the breath out of her as soon as she breathes it in.  She's a fighter, but she is so unbelievably tired and worn out.

She just wants to open that door to her quiet place, walk in, and live there forevermore.  Tomorrow will be a new day, she thinks, and pushes herself to finally get up out of her chair, walk into the kitchen, and feed her waiting dog and cats.











Months and months of just an occasional sprinkle in these gardens, then last night the heavens opened up and the rains beat the parched earth with a vengeance.  The coolness signals that perhaps today is the first day of fall.  The reprieve from drought and HEAT is pure euphoria.



Drying out in the morning






















We have an agreement...her and me...one that allows medication, if it has a bit of sardine squished around it and I let her eat it off her plate in her own good time.  It works; as to do otherwise, well...let's just say it wouldn't be a pretty sight how I would emerge from the free-fur-all :)

Our little Persian has heart disease.  The worse kind I'm told.  She's on one baby aspirin every three days, two other medications, an herbal supplement, and Pepcid to keep her from throwing it all up.

She's taken to sleeping with me every night.  She'll be sprawled out on the bed when I tuck in.  I sleep a little lopsided to accommodate her.  Last night I slept a lot lopsided to accommodate her.  She thinks she's queen of the bed.  I guess she's right :(

She has maybe one week to live if she's lucky...she could go at any time.  I was told this six months ago.  I love her as much as I can; and then, I love her some more.


















Friday, August 16, 2019

My Mother



I grew up with a mother who had a mind of her own and often spoke it, although sometimes quite cruelly.  She was complicated, as we all are with our lives.  I was not fond of her as a child.  She could be quite harsh with no patience for understanding. 

As an adult I began to accept her as she was, perhaps because I could escape from her space when things got too intense.  She was a product of her parent’s lives with all their good and bad, and a survivor of a relationship with my father that was not always kind to her.

Her thoughts in words could at times cut you to the bone, or bring a cloud of melancholy over the festivities; but then there were the times when she seemed genuinely lovely.  It wasn’t until her old age, or more precisely my mature age, that I thought I began to understand parts of the person she really was behind those walls she gradually built a mile high around her.

I never felt loved by her.  As I reminisce these days, I think she did love me in some fashion, although rarely connecting with me in my love language, I seldom felt it.  I had a somewhat closer relationship with her in her later years which softened her enough to cause me great grief when she passed away, but she will always remain an enigma that I never quite solved.

I’ll think of her till the cows come home, as she would fondly say, whenever I’m around flowers; she loved them so much. 










Wild Native Sunflower


Blue Lobelia


Green Sweat Bee on Marjoram 


Solomon's Seal


Senna


Male Sweat Bee in Pink Turtlehead Flower






White Beautyberry


Southern Beeblossom with Friend
Blooms at night and fades with the morning




Ironweed


Phlox Jenna with Rudbeckia


Blue Jay Feather


Blackberry Lily with Fly




Pearl Crescent Butterfly with Butterflyweed and Purple Coneflower


Joe-Pye Weed with Green Sweat Bee
female


Green Sweat Bee
male


Type of Skipper Butterfly




Green Lynx Spider ambushing passing insect




Challenger Spider Daylily 4' tall


Black Fly




Autumn Minaret Spider Daylily 4' tall 


Rudbeckia with Green Sweat Bee






American Snout Butterfly
about 1" in size








Carpenter Bee




Aaron's Skipper,
Silver-Spotted Skipper,
Cobweb Skipper Butterfly...?
I give up after looking at photos of hundreds of Skipper Butterflies.


End of Day


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